Today I Divorced the Love of My Life
Today I divorced the love of my life. It has been a very high energy day and it still isn’t over. I am truly sad and heartbroken. Somehow I thought it would feel better. I knew I’d be upset, but thought it would be more of a relief and I’d be able to breathe. That has not been the case at all today. Even before court, I was having difficulty breathing during my morning jog in the nature preserve. I knew what was coming and got all choked up.
I am so happy and grateful for all the time I spent with Joe. We had a lot of crazy laughs, sadness, and wonderful experiences. I will never forget and will be eternally grateful for the love I experienced. I had to release him so we could both find our way. I am now free to move on and do whatever it is I feel I need to.
My emotions are running amuck. This is what I asked for and thought I wanted. Now, I don’t know what the hell I want. What’s done is done, but I keep wondering… what if we had tried a little harder, come home to be with each other more often, and listened with an open mind? I think the events of November 4th 2013 would have played out a lot different.
This has been the year of change, that’s for sure! I don’t think I can handle any more changes. I lost both my boys (my fur baby Rusty passed in April and Joe and I divorced today), my home, security, love, and many other people have left my life. It didn’t really sink in until court today. I am truly on my own and have nothing holding me back. I thought it would feel really freeing, but it sure stinks today.
We met before court to work together on paperwork to make sure we didn’t waste time and got this done today. No sense dragging it out, right? We have been amicable from the beginning of the process. I never wanted to hurt Joe and wanted to make this as painless as possible to move on. I think if we both really wanted to make it work, we could have figured it out. Unfortunately, we didn’t do that.
If you have love in your life, cherish it and make sure the person you love knows it. You can always find new friends to hang out with but true love is hard to find. I doubt I will ever open up to find an amazing person like Joe again during this lifetime. I am just grateful I got the chance to experience true love this time around.